Thor the mighty, or whatever he’s called

Okay, so, the review of Supernatural still hasn’t materialised (although parts of this entry may give you an inkling of how it might go). Who knew writing a review of four full seasons of a show watched in one sitting could be so difficult? In the meantime, I decided to fruitlessly throw my hat in the ring on the debate about who should be playing Thor in the upcoming remake. As a lover of all things Branagh, I can’t wait to see how this movie turns out. As someone who knows absolutely nothing about Thor the comic, aficionados could not care less about my opinion, but I like to think I represent all the plebs who Marvel will also be wanting to market this movie to – us superficial, ignorant plebs who will judge everything on a five minute trailer and ruin the fun for all those genuine fans who have bothered to familiarise themselves with the canon of the superhero franchises before the films are even a glint in a movie mogul’s eye. You might hate us, but you have to live with us, so here’s my two cents, based on no knowledge of the story whatsoever, on some of those posited to play the role in the various discussions bubbling away on the internet recently.

1. Kevin McKidd

Viking factor: He’s rugged, blonde and, judging from his performance in Rome,  has battle-haze crazy-eyed staring down to an absolute tee. We know the man can pull off centurion chic – it’s not a massive leap to think he could do the same adorned with all the accoutrements of viking living. In terms of godlike physique, he’s more grizzled warrior than underwear model, and that would serve him well in a film that, one suspects, is going to have similar pretensions to realism as the Dark Knight.

Acting chops: Can I get a B-R-O-O-D? Actually, I’m probably being harsh there. I can’t stomach the whingeings and simperings of Grey’s Anatomy, and never bothered with Journeyman, but I do know from Britflicks Trainspotting and Topsy Turvy, in which he was hilarious as a pretentious opera singer called Durwald Lely who is horrified at being asked to remove his girdle for a performance, that he has a range I would never have expected from his highly restrained and muscular performance in Rome.

Cringe control: His ability to play straight man to Ray Stephenson’s clown in Rome would serve him well in a film like Thor, which is going to sail dangerously close to the winds of high camp but has ambitions of being much more serious drama. McKidd has an excellent trade in masculine discomfort and embarassment, perfectly showcased in a scene in which Cleopatra attempts to seduce him and his sense of honour leads him, eventually, to refuse. That kind of fish-out-of-water awkwardness would go a long way to making an audience warm to the potentially absurd premise of a Norse god in the middle of modern America.

Casting comfort: He’s older than the casting call demands and, I suspect, shorter, neither of which can possibly stand in his favour. He’s also British, and really it’s hard to know what that might mean to his casting chances. The accent tends to guide people’s minds away from popcorn and into Merchant-Ivory territory, which may or may not be a bad thing depending on what exactly Branagh is doing with the film. In general, though, in these sorts of films a British accent usually denotes a baddie or a butler – rarely the hero of the piece. Having said that, his appearance in Rome will have lent him a little highbrow gravitas, and his stint on Grey’s Anatomy will have offered him a level of fame that can only help when it comes to a studio that, so far, has a habit of casting A-Listers in all their leading roles.

Combo score: McKidd was rumoured to be the probable candidate until the casting call went out, and I can see why. Given the details of the call, he’s pretty much a no, but it seems a shame.

2. Alexander Skarsgard

Viking factor: He played a viking (well, a several-centuries-old undead one) in True Blood and pulled off the long hair pretty nicely. He even has one of those Scandinavian names with a weird dot on top that’s really hard to type online, but the fact that he’s already been there, done that, does make him a bit of an lazy choice on the part of the internet community. His physique is realistic for a soldier, but realistic doesn’t translate brilliantly to the big screen, and some workouts would be in order.

Acting chops: His was probably my least favourite performance in True Blood. Rather than having the sort of indifferent, dormant power that often characterises immortal characters on film and television, Skarsgard commanded little authority on screen and came across as, at best, bored and, at worst, wooden. While he is perfectly good in the extreme realist, ensemble drama of Generation Kill, that’s hardly the acting style an epic superhero franchise is going to demand. I doubt he has the brio or the presence to pull off such high drama.

Cringe control: The big problem here is that I just cannot picture him in viking dress wandering around the USA. And if you can’t picture it, it’s never going to sit right on screen. Granted, sometimes you try on an outfit and it takes a few moments in front of the mirror to realise that it actually looks pretty good, but that sort of warm-up is not remotely trailer-friendly. It wouldn’t be laughable, but it would be weird, and that makes him a pretty hard sell.

Casting comforts: He’s out of the age bracket, but not drastically. While his name sounds nice and Scandinavian, he’s not widely known and Marvel’s heart won’t exactly be a-flutter at the thought of putting it at the top of their posters.

Combo score: He seems to be a bit of a fan favourite, but in all honesty, unless I’m missing a trick , his name seems to have sprung up out of nowhere purely on the basis of his role in True Blood. I don’t really see it, and I doubt most others would either. But please, if there is anyone out there more familiar with his work, feel free to correct me.

3. Jared Padalecki

Viking factor: My lord, the Man. Is. Stacked. He seems to have been working out continuously since he was first cast in Gilmore Girls; his face is square-set and heavy-browed enough to conjure up images of hardened viking types and he can definitely pull off long hair. His looks are only just starting to mature away from the pretty-boy shades of his Gilmore Girls days, but seeing him muddied up in Friday the 13th suggests that a good make-up/hair dye job could sort that out.

Acting chops: Padalecki definitely gets that ‘old head on young shoulders’ act down – his voice is resonant enough and he uses it well. There aren’t many actors his age that I can think of that conjure up the sort of gravity that he wears as Sam Winchester in Supernatural. Still, it may be a little early for him to try and carry a movie. His acting is good but in moments of high emotion he can descend into soap-opera facial acrobatics and is still often, though not always, outshone by his more experienced Supernatural co-star, Jensen Ackles. Then again, his acting range across different roles is impressive and Branagh is certainly a director that could help him find that extra depth and control.

Cringe control: Padalecki has produced great work for several years now on one of the best genre shows on television, but there were early episodes of Supernatural in which I admit I found myself giggling in embarrassment, not only at the silliness of the storylines, but at his palpable discomfort in acting them out. However, that discomfort has since been largey erased – I suppose you can only pretend to be stuck to a wall so many times before it stops feeling stupid – and he now faces down all manner of the implausible and the absurd with absolute conviction, which one suspects will be a vital talent in Thor. On the other hand, I worry that he is still fresh-faced enough that putting him in viking garb may be more reminiscent of an actor in a tacky porn film than one of the most famous of mythical gods. God forbid Thor come to resemble Conan in any way, shape or form. In addition, he is very much American, and as appealing as his Texan lilt is, it’s hardly Viking. Anyone who’s seen Highlander will know that movie stars trying and failing to put on regional accents can be borderline unbearable, and in this day and age when anger about the slightest quirk in a performance spreads across the internet like wildfire, it would signal the death knell for the movie, making Padalecki a considerable gamble in the role.

Casting comforts: Of all the people brought up around the internet so far, Padalecki seems to most accurately correspond with the actual casting call. While he has worked solidly for many years now, he is not a big name, failing to appear at all on Forbes Most Bankable Stars list. Marvel would have to market him extremely hard before the film’s release and they have not shown themselves massively willing to put in the time and effort to promoting relative unknowns in their lead roles so far. On that front, the recent success of Friday the 13th may work in his favour, as would Supernatural‘s rabid online fanbase, which would quite happily do half the marketing job for them, but it would be unlikely to be enough to persuade the Marvel higher-ups that he was worth a turn.

Combo score: Helped by a few tasteful costuming decisions and the guiding hand of Branagh, Padalecki would make an excellent Thor. I suspect that he would have at least made it onto the longlist  for the role, especially considering that some years ago he was rumoured for the role of Superman in the reboot of that franchise. Unfortunately his commitments on Supernatural would seem to rule him out of any major movie roles until 2010. No one is a big enough star to bring about a scheduling change of that magnitude, and while the producers of Supernatural would undoubtedly weigh up the benefits in terms of ratings of having a movie star in the regular cast, the show simply wouldn’t make any sense if one half of the central team was absent for part of the final season. A part like that might have been a career maker, but highly improbable casting in reality.

And finally:

Nicolaj Coster-Waldau/Johann Urb/Tom Welling/Jensen Ackles etc. etc.

Viking factor: Is anyone else starting to spot a pattern here? I have no problem with casting unknowns or tv actors, but I’m starting to feel like people are grabbing hold of any pretty or generically foreign actor whose been getting a bit of work in the states recently with no regard to what sorts of parts they’ve actually played so far. Heck, why don’t we throw Goran Visnjic into the mix while we’re at it? Sure, he’s Eastern European and too old, but who’s keeping track of that sort of thing?

Acting chops: Some of these actors are genuinely very good. To take specifically the ones listed above, Ackles is always enjoyable in Supernatural and Coster-Waldau was fairly charming in New Amsterdam, but I suspect that most fans aren’t thinking with their upstairs brain on this one. Of course looking good is probably going to be a factor in the casting decision, but the shoe has to fit. Most of these actors are good, but they aren’t Thor. If their big break is coming, it’s coming somewhere else. Moreover,Welling is actually extremely limited as an actor, and Urb’s most high profile credit to date is probably The Hottie and the Nottie. Much as I sympathise with actors struggling to find regular work, that doesn’t do much to recommend his talents.

Cringe control: This is a hard one to summarise when talking about a large group of actors but I can safely say this. Cast anyone who tends towards goofiness or boneheadedness; who tries to be solemn but comes off as wooden instead; who looks like they’re going to take you out to dinner rather than smackdown the bad guys, or who gives more blue steel than hot fury, and we’re into Enchanted territory and the whole thing falls apart, which rules out of most of the teen/matinee idols being considered here. Bear in mind also that whoever gets Thor is going to have to look comfortable acting alongside the likes of Robert Downey Junior and Ed Norton in The Avengers movie. If they look out of their depth for even a second, the audience will simply lose interest in them.

Casting comforts: I’ve talked enough about Marvel’s preoccupation with casting big names in their leads and don’t want to go on about it again. In fairness, Thor is the movie so far that is most likely to buck the trend. The film has so much potential to make its lead look ridiculous that it’s hardly surprising that most major stars or prominent up-and-comers have been reluctant to take the dive. As such, it is possible that Marvel will go for a tv star with a cult following instead, but more likely that they will go for a complete unknown so that they can attach whatever star quality to them that they want in marketing the movie. When it comes to actors who have been in cult hits for a few years, the fans feel so protective, and feel such ownership over them, that it becomes impossible for them to attain the requisite detachment of the Hollywood A-List.

Combo score: There’s a large collection of jovial, jobbing actors being thrown around the internet, and while their loyal fanbase attests to their likeability, it doesn’t speak well for their chances of hitting the Hollywood mainstream. Of course, I could be being overly cynical about their chances, but I doubt it. Throwing an unknown into such a massive role could be akin to bestowing the curse of Superman onto whatever wide-eyed aspirant ends up with the role, but I suspect that whoever is ultimately given the part is going to be met with a very loud and collective ‘Who?’

That’s it for now. Tell me if there are any other actors you think deserve a rundown. Once the rumours start flying, I’ll probably put up some more profiles depending on who’s being talked about.

And PS – follow me on Twitter – I’m topazbean, nach.

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